Wonderful RA book

I got frustrated trying to dig through the information on line.  So... I went hunting a good book.  And I found one.  It was suggested that I as dwelling on this more than I ought and that the information I was finding was not exactly uplifting.  He was right... BUT... This book is different.
A Patient-Expert Walks You Through Everything You Need To Learn and Do The First Year: Rheumatoid Arthritis.
This book is fantastic.  It is an easy read.  It is an uplifting read.  It is a book that lets you learn from the lessons that others already learned... it is wonderful.  I am SO glad I bought my own copy (not a library one) so I can mark it up and pour over it repeatedly.

It is a quiet chilly Saturday

Prednisone takes the swelling down and takes most of the ouchies away... until almost morning.  Then it all comes back with a vengence... sigh.
But... during the day, it makes me not hurt.  It makes my dentures not hurt.  It makes my feet and knees not hurt and most of my hands.  There are still some ouchy spots... I don't know how long the steroids work... but it helps.  Now... I'm afraid for my 9 days to be up.
Quiet.  Depressingly quiet.
Coffee is a wonderful balm for what ails you (or maybe... tea would be better... I'm trying despirately to avoid Cocoa... becuase that has fat and sugar and I sure don't need to gaining weight side effect.
I guess in just a couple days, I will find out what new and marvelous drugs I will be on. 
I'm scared.... I don't like being scared.  I don't like not having anyone to talk to about this, I don't like that I don't understand.  I don't like not knowing.

It is when it is early morning and im laying alone in bed that i get most scared

The fog is hanging around something awful today. in about ten min i get to find out how big a hosing we take on insurance this year... oh joy.

So... another lazy day

Suppose I should feel gulity for doing next to nothing.  I don't.  Ipod fixed.  music downloaded.  cocoa in a cup by my side and music on.

See if i can post from this stupid thing...

It is still real...

Christmas tree lit, coffee with peppermint mocha creamer, christmas carols on the computer.  And... I try to come to terms with myself.
I realize now why the doctor sent me for an x-ray.  She said the bump on my knuckle looked like it might be a cyst... that the bump between my two fingers looked like a varicose vein.  What good would an X-Ray do to determine that?  Those are both soft tissue things and an X-Ray will not really show anything.
Duh...
She apparently figured it was a forgone conclusion that it was RA and wanted to see if the bones were dislocated in my finger yet by anything.
I'm trying, not, to figure out why being right about what I thought it was should make me feel so horrible.  This is not logical.  I'm right.  I know it isn't a fatal condition, even if it is chronic.  It is just something I will have to live with...
Is this normal?  The way I'm feeling is so NOT me...
--- later in the afternoon...

Sometimes the internet is a good thing... sometimes it isn't so much.  I have been reading on RA.  I was thinking about the joints that I remember on people from when I was a kid (40 years ago) but I never realized (or thought about it, I guess)... auto-immune disease isn't just joints... it is organs, too... lungs... eyes... oh man...

Maybe I shouldn't have cracked my knuckles when I was younger...  sigh... this really is forever...